Slow Golf Play
How Mars could use some tips from Venus

By Ray Chatelin

Men and women play golf as though the sexes really do inhabit different planets. Just ask any guy caught in the dreaded “mixed couples” weekend when not only rules are enforced, so too is etiquette…a long list of dos and don’ts that most guys disregard the second they hit the practice range on men’s night.

You can get a sample of our differences simply by checking out the Internet. Categories on-line include golf course guides, equipment and clothing, real estate, travel and holidays, books, videos, magazines, golf schools, instruction, art, collectables, software, and on-line news.

Latest surveys say there are about 10 million websites on the Internet that have reference to golf. It would take someone more than 300 years at 8 hours a day to look at them all, says one estimate published in Britain.

But that daunting challenge doesn’t stop guys like me who are determined to discover the best deals on courses we’ll never play, equipment we’ll never buy, or checking out the newest David Ledbetter academy we’ll never attend next January. My wife doesn’t do this, nor do the wives of the guys with whom I play.

That same sense of diminished reality is seen too regularly on the course itself. It’s rare to see women wantonly destroying or flinging clubs, losing their cool and stomping, shouting and swearing followed by several holes of moping and pouting. Yet, it’s all too common when guys get together.

Consult a Shrink for the answer to why this happens. But, the fact remains that women play a faster round, by an average 12-15 minutes, then men. When you take a close look at how our habits add time to the game, it’s understandable.

Research done on matters of attitudes we bring to golf shows that 75 per cent of men say they gamble on the course, compared with less than 50 per cent of women; only half of female golfers track their handicap, compared with three-quarters of the men; and 18 per cent of women admit to having lost their temper on the golf course, compared with 45 percent of men.

Next time you’re on a course, closely watch the difference in preparation time between the sexes, from practice swings to lining up putts to the walking speed between shots, and - perhaps most important – understanding our playing limitations. When, for example, have you seen an 18-handicap female trying to hit a two-iron or three-wood across water to a green 220 yards away? If each golfer in a foursome individually wastes five seconds per shot and shoots 90, that adds up to about seven and a half minutes per golfer and – if there isn’t any other wasted time – it’s a significant 30 minutes per foursome per round. Think about it….that’s about one practice swing per member of each foursome on every shot and how many times have you been behind a foursome where every member takes three or four practice swings? If you’re like me, it drives you nuts. Now, add things like thrown clubs, lost balls, Mulligans, pacing the greens, plum bobbing, to mention just a few items that mark the normal male golf game, and it’s no wonder that the four-hour round is becoming a rarity. Stats show that 43 per cent of the game takes place on the greens. And that’s the place where more time is wasted than on any other part of the course. Too frequently, a player will putt and then back away from the remaining two feet, mark the ball and then wait while three other guys go through the same routine, more than likely the result of two dollar bets.

Slow play can destroy the pleasure of playing golf. It has an impact on momentum, patience, and, ultimately, on scoring and your joy of the game. So here are some things you can do to maintain a good pace of play:

Don't wait until your turn to start thinking about what club you’re going to use or whether to go over the water or lay up to it. You know what you can or can’t do so be ready in advance.

As you approach the green determine in which direction the next tee is located and leave your clubs on that side of the green. So instead of walking back to where you made your last chip to retrieve your clubs, simply head straight to the next tee-box.

If you’re using a motorized cart, drop one player off at his or her ball with a choice of a few clubs, then drive to your ball and meet farther down the fairway after both of you have hit your shots.

Keep up with the group ahead of you. If you’re falling behind, it’s likely your preparation time is too generous.

Play “Ready golf” whenever you can. If you are not playing golf in an actual tournament, who hits first isn’t important. Just agree ahead with the others in your group that you will play ready golf when it makes sense. It is good courtesy to acknowledge that you are playing ready golf to move things along.

In my experience, anyway, women view golf as a social activity and they play accordingly. And, when it comes to playing a resort course – where everyone is in a forgiving and joyful mood before or sometimes after your time in the casino – it’s especially important to have the right perspective.

Believe me, guys, there’s a lot to be learned about playing the game from just watching the ladies.